I want 2019 to be the biggest in terms of progression for me. Not necessarily in terms of career or anything like that, but I want it to be the happiest I can make it. I want to grow as a person and for the past few years I felt like I hadn’t – I’d become stagnant and as an official woman in her mid-20s (whimpers softly), it’s time to take my development into my own hands. Here are 5 self improvements I’m trying for a happier life:
I’m the type of person, if you’re in a bad mood, now I’m in a bad mood. If you’re happy, I’m happy too. I’m so easily influenced by others, and to be honest I’m kind of bored of soaking up other people’s emotions. I’m emotional enough without anyone else’s baggage on top.
Thus, going forward. If you’re mad about xyz, that’s too bad and I’ll listen, but if you want something to spur on your rage and run with it. Thank u, next.
We’ve all heard the saying ‘treat others the way you would want to be treated’, however if I treated others how I treat myself there would be disciplinary hearings and swift back-handers all round. I’m horrible to myself. I talk to myself horribly. I disrespect my body and feed it trash. I never allow myself to roll with excitement.
I can be so happy for someone else, and so excited for their journey. However when it comes to my life, any opportunities or exciting events are just ‘luck’. Never because my abilities and hard work has allowed these events to arise themselves.
So I’m going to stop and think. How would I react or treat someone else if this happened to them? I’m going to be kinder to my body, and fuel it rather than fill it full of crap. Delicious crap, but crap nonetheless. I want to make old bones and age gracefully, and if my eye-bags are anything to go by; I’m going to age like a mature cheddar rather than beautifully aged wine.
My family has always said to me; ‘you’ll do anything for a quiet life’. And I never paid it much heed until I turned 25. I realised I was shying away from anything that could lead to anything other than smiles and rainbows. I would agree with things I didn’t agree with so I didn’t have a differing view, I would say ‘I don’t know/care’ to tough questions as I didn’t want to be perceived as ‘wrong’.
I’ve since come to realise, whilst that philosophy may lead to a quiet life, it won’t lead to a life that I’m happy with. One where I feel I can’t speak my mind, where I have contributed to decisions and I’ve just lazily floated along.
‘If you stand for nothing, what will you fall for?’ – I’ve waited my whole life for Hamilton lyrics to be applicable to a piece of writing. What a time to be alive.
I spent a lot of time day-dreaming of the ‘what ifs’. What if I’d gone travelling when I wanted to when I was 21, what if I’d started blogging when I wanted to when I was 18, what if I’d have done abc differently? And whilst it’s interesting to think how life could have turned out different if you’d have taken a different path, at the end of the day, you didn’t.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing in the respect you have the chance to reflect on decisions and see the different routes you could have taken. In the moment, you did exactly what you thought was right for you in that period of your life.
Looking back has as much value as squeezing toothpaste out of the tube and trying to get it back in. You can’t, it’s done now. Looking backwards is only going to draw your attention away to your future. You don’t want to miss it because you were too busy looking the wrong way.
I think I look behind a lot is because I’m nervous when it comes to decisions. I don’t want to make the wrong one and desitate. I hesitate and then duck out altogether. I’ve said no to some chances that would have completely changed my life, but I was scared of that change.
Change has long been something I associated with upset, high emotions and a lack of control. However if I’m the one making the change, sure I’m in control? I’m tired of playing it safe, and I’m ready to take some chances. Everything that happens will either be for the better or it’ll teach me something. Either way it’s a win/win, no one ever got anything by staying in their comfort zone.