This is something that I’ve been struggling with since the beginning of the year when I started my new role within the company I work for. I came in at a higher level than most without having to work my way through the ranks. I came in with more experience sure, more technical knowledge, but you can teach someone anything. The training I received could have so easily been taught to someone much more deserving that had been here a lot longer than I have. I know there are so many people I work with who would kill to be in my shoes.
And yet I’m not grateful.
It’s no secret that eventually I would like to take my blog full time and actually quit my current full time role. And I find that as time goes on, my blog grows and I’m very much still in my 9-5 in a role that is at its very core not for me. I resent it. I resent my role. And my motivation to progress and learn is dwindling at an epic rate. How selfish of me, begrudging my role when others would jump at the chance I have.
Throughout 2018 my blog has reached new heights, giving me more opportunities and chances for growth than I ever could have dreamed of last year. And again, it still doesn’t feel like enough. When I first started my blogging journey, like everyone else I never thought it would amount to anything other than a hobby. A creative outlet that a handful of people may stumble upon once every blue moon. But I’ve been paid to write, I’ve received so many amazing products to review and the momentum is only growing. And yet, I feel like I’m never savouring the moment.
I’m never pausing and taking in all these amazing chances that have been presented to me. It’s turned into a hunger. A need I have to fulfil. An addiction to success. Once one amazing break is finished I’m frantically scouring for the next, and every time I want it to be bigger. A bigger brand, a more exciting email, an even more lavish PR delivery. And it’s actually a little ludicrous. It’s greedy.
Don’t get me wrong, I work my absolute butt off and essentially work 2 jobs in order to try and get my blog and social medias off the ground. And I’m starting to see the results myself, and the incredible things others are doing, which in turn motivates me all the more. And yet I wonder, when will it ever be enough? Will I ever think to myself ‘this is my peak’?
And the honest truth? I don’t think I will. I think in today’s world, there is so much emphasis on success and with social media it’s all brought into the light. Before the likes of Instagram we would love celebrities, we’d know how much they earn, gasp for a moment and move on. Now we can see the lifestyle that they have, and we want it.
The Kardashians in particular, who are celebs for simply living their lives and being influencers (that old phrase again). It’s started a hunger in so many that they want a piece of the action, and there is so much funding being pumped into social media marketing that there’s enough for all.
In a world that is in a constant state of ‘go go go’, it’s almost seen as lazy to want to be anything else. You’re complacent if you’re content where you are. You’re stale if you’re comfortable and don’t want to progress any further. However, there’s a lot to be learned from stopping and smelling the roses. It keeps you grounded, focused and whilst you may never really be satisfied, at least you will still be humble. You’ll still be you and who knows, you may actually reach a point and think to yourself ‘this is me’.