I’m A Bad Online Friend & I Want To Change

Hi my name is Jade and I’m that friend that never texts you back.

I just want to start off by saying, I always have the best intentions. I always read the messages, I digest them, reply to them (in ma mind) and patiently await the reply. LOL OKAY GOOD JOB JADE.

It’s never from a lack of caring, it’s always I want to dedicate the time and carve out a quality, well thought out reply. Rather than just ‘hahahaha yus girl *cry laughing emoji*’. I want to know everything that’s happening, I want the latest goss, I want a complete breakdown of your life since the last time we spoke minute by minute.

But you know what I don’t want? To be in a group chat on WhatsApp where 6 people are chatting amongst themselves constantly, when it could easily be moved to somewhere else, and have 1,904 unread messages after nipping to the kitchen for some snacks.

So the natural solution? Imma just mute the conversation for a hot minute. And well, would you believe it’s been 4 months and your friends think you’re dead.

The notifications are cleared, and that in my head is a big ol’ tick, done, you’re so productive. And then y’know I’ll scroll on Instagram Discover and watch 2 hours of 30 second clips, and that’s my evening drawn to a close. Without even realising that my phone is blowing up and #findjade is trending on Twitter.

A while I’m as shocked as you are that I do still actually have friends, I’m actually a pretty decent friend. Get me in person and I’m all yours, tell me you need me and I’m there. And y’know sometimes I am quite funny. IRL I’m ya gal, however get me behind a screen, especially if it’s purely online friendships, and it’s a whole new ballgame.

The internet really is a marvel isn’t it? It is now becoming common place for people to meet their partners online, and no one bats an eyelid. However we’re now approaching that awkward in between phase where it’s becoming more accepted to make genuine friendships from ‘sliding into the DMs’ than striking up friendships out in the world. And this is fast becoming one of my greatest shortfalls.

I feel weird. I feel awkward. And in all honesty? I feel kinda creepy trying to strike up conversations with people I’ve ‘met’ online. It feels like dating, and I am not accustomed to being the instigator. I just have no idea what to say, I have no idea what the rules are and I end up just shutting down altogether. And that’s the issue with online friendships in the first place, you may know them, you may have followed their content and know all about them through what they share, but chances are one will know more about the other if it at all (oh the embarrassment).

‘So I saw that your cat had an operation back in 2014, how is little Whiskers?’

And you wanna know the saddest part of it all? All I want is to have a couple of ‘blogging besties’. Whilst I do actually have friends (no really, I promise), I am the only person in my circle that is in this little world. There’s no one I can bounce ideas off of. There’s no one to bitch to about how shitty the Instagram engagement is. And there’s no one to go on fun days out and take loads of photos without feeling like a bellend. And there’s no one who I can really share this side of my life with.

Don’t get my wrong, Ben, my friends and family are all really supportive and are my biggest cheerleaders. However, that’s just it. They support me and cheer me on, but I’m out on my own whilst they watch from the sidelines. They don’t get the work it takes, they don’t understand that it’s more than snapping a few photos and hacking out a paragraph or two, and they don’t get just how much it means to me.

My lord that took a ‘boohoo me’ turn. MA BAD HONEY PIES.

The main point is, I’ve come to realise that as the world moves on and technology is an ever growing constant in our lives. I need to keep up with it. I need to dedicate a set amount of time each day to check in on my friends (and maybe replying properly), especially as these are the people who really care.

And I need to stop being a pussy and put myself out there when it comes to fellow bloggers. If I want someone to be my mate, it’s only me that can do it. It’s like dating, the worst they can do is say no or not reply, and hey, I’ll be no worse off.