This week marked the beginning of my new role at work as an Underwriter, something I’m so proud to have achieved. However, my first week completely kicked my ass. My mind was so tired every evening when I came home from all the new processes, new ways of working and attempting to remember about 30 new names.
If in doubt call them ‘mate’, everyone responds to ‘mate’.
As it has been so manic and I slip into a coma the second I walk through my bedroom door, blogging and social media have taken a back seat. And I felt so guilty that I could have just combusted.
My religiously upload a blog post twice during the working week, with IG posts and countless tweets in between. And it’s been this way for quite some time. But this week, I missed everything. There was no weekday posts, there was not a single IG upload and my tweets might as well have been non-existent.
And it put me on edge. I found myself planning out my content in my mind when I was meant to be learning about foreign taxes at 3:30 on a Wednesday afternoon. It completely consumed my thoughts. I thought to myself, that if I didn’t get straight back to it I would lose everything I’d worked so hard for. My followers (on IG especially, F U algorithm) would have gone, no one would care what I had to say when I did come back because I’m no longer ‘dedicated’. And I’m completely guilty for thinking it of others. When they don’t put up a blog post for weeks upon weeks, no engagements on social media, I think that they’re ‘clearly not dedicated enough’ when in reality, it’s only me projecting the pressure I put on myself onto others.
My blog is my hobby, it’s something I do in my free time and it’s something I enjoy immensely. So when did I turn it into something that I needed to do, that I put pressure on, and something that wasn’t fun anymore?
I’ve found myself in the past few weeks, writing posts that I think will be well received in the blogging community, rather than something I actually want to address and am passionate about.
I’ve also found myself writing tweets that I think will gain maximum retweets and impressions. And the bane of all our lives. Instagram. I’ve found myself thinking, ‘will that picture get me enough likes?’. And then feeling like a complete loser if it doesn’t meet my expectations.
Social medias, blogs, everything that is shared online is a highlight reel. So when you compare yourself and your work to someone else’s, you’re only seeing a select range. You’re not seeing the full picture, much like people won’t see your full picture.
I’ve caught myself in the trap so many times of thinking ‘if I just get up to xyz followers, then I’ll be happy’. ‘When I get xyz followers, I’ll be presented with more opportunities, I’ll get invited to events and be paid through the nose from abc brand’.
And the biggest one for me is ‘if I’m more like *insert successful social media person*, then I’ll be successful too’. But, you’re never going to be a success in your own right by mimicking someone else.
Seeing perfectly laid out flaylays, avocado on toast and immaculate bikini snaps in foreign destinations is all lovely and whatnot. But I want to see that amongst the everyday. I think the web is crying out for a bit of rawness. Cutting back on what we think everyone wants to see, and revealing a dose of the everyday.
Not everything in life is glamorous, and that’s just the way it is. So why do we then in turn feel that we need showcase the glamour exclusively? Why do we beat ourselves up for not having a perfect life? The answer is in the question. Life isn’t perfect. And we shouldn’t have to feel bad about ourselves for it.