In the past few days/weeks/months, I feel like my creativity has taken a bit of a nose dive. I constantly have ideas for brilliant blog posts pop into my head, that ‘oh ma gad’ no one has thought of writing. But when it comes to fabricating the post, I doubt myself.
I’ve fallen well and truly into the trap of comparison. Coming up with endless ideas, writing half of them out and then scraping the whole thing. Why bother right? I’m sure someone else could articulate it so much more beautifully than I ever could. I am truly in a blogging slump.
And as a result of going around in this circle since about February, my motivation is also bloody embarrassing. I sit at my desk all day at work fantasising about all the things I can do once I’m home and how the words will pour from my fingertips. And lol, jk I sit on my bed and scroll through Instagram until 9:30 and then feel bad that I haven’t done anything. So I’ve decided to strip it back to the bones.
Becoming an ‘influencer’
I have been so desperate for my blog and socials to ‘take off’ that I’m essentially poisoning what I love. It isn’t authentically me when I’m desperately trying to make a post ‘shareable’, ‘relatable’, ‘#thisissome’, rather than what I originally started my blog for. To have fun and do what I love, writing.
I think the prospect that my hobby could become a full time career, where I would be my own boss and carve something out for myself has gone to my head. I’ve become a bit drunk on the notion that if I put the work in, I too can gain collaboration opportunities. Be part of campaigns with amazing brands with the prospect of travel. And actually use a platform I’ve created from nothing to spread messages near and dear to me. And I need to calm the f down.
It’s always the people that say ‘it happened out of nowhere’ that seem to be the successful ones. And that’s the secret. They’re true to themselves and their own style. They’re not trying to copy anyone, they’re not putting pressure on themselves, they’re doing their own thing and it works.
The bloggers/influencers or whatever you want to call them that I love the most, are the ones I feel I connect with and I see and love their personality. I trust their recommendations for products and whatever, but the ones I love the most and support endlessly are the ones that I’m gagging to be their friend in real life. Think, Hannah Gale, Chloe Plumstead, Beth Sandland and Maria Joynson.
And whilst I think I do show my personality, especially on instragram, I don’t get very personal very often. Not for any other reason than the fact that I think my life is a touch ~shall we say~ boring. I’ve been saving with Ben for the best part of 3 years, and that’s pretty much my life. But I want to change that. And thus, the Dear Diary series. Where I’m going to just talk about whatever topic is on my mind that doesn’t warrant its own dedicated post. So, let’s get started.
My first ‘photo shoot’
When I say photo shoot, I mean taking photos out in the actual world with my sister in the woods. Not quite as glamorous as stomping around Notice ting Hill with a photographer and praying that no one walks out of the house you’re sat in front of. But anyway, yes, we had a mini (2 hour) woodlands photoshoot and I thought I’d share it with you all.
With my Ikea bag packed full of outfit changes, a thermos full of tea, sissy bear (still in her pjs, zero shits given) and I made our way to our set for the day. Our set being a shielded part of the woods by the train tracks near my house #goals. We took the first lot of photos where I awkwardly posed and wasn’t sure what to do with myself and the time came for the next outfit. And how on God’s green earth am I going to completely change in the woods?
The short answer to the above question? I got my butt out in the woods and sat on my sister’s cardigan on the woodland floor to change my shoes. I really did think that when bloggers have these shoots with beautiful outfit changes that there’d be a bit more to it, rather than praying no one walks around the corner and gets an eyeful of my ill-fitting bra.
You’ll all be pleased to know we haven’t returned to the woods just yet (mainly because it’s been raining and I’m not about that soggy woodland floor). However I have employed my Mumma and Ben in the past few weeks to take photos of me pretending to cross the road and posing in front of anything that’s vaguely pleasing on the eye. And Ben’s sister Hannah and I are actually planning to have a photoshoot day in London in a few weeks’ time.
AM I A REAL BLOGGER NOW?!